I remember thinking awhile back how shitty my life was and that was all I would blog about. So I gave my friend some advice tonight and funny enough...it helped me too. LMAO!!! So anyways... for a long story short- I was an angry teen and very depressed. I used to take my anger out on my family on myspace until they starting getting accounts as well... But if I wanted to get at someone on here, I'd blog about them. Then get horribly in trouble with my parents. So I stopped blogging cause I didn't feel like me anymore. Yes, at times, I had every right to be mad at my mom, my sister, my father, my room mate and even my boyfriend. And I let the world know it. But it's funny...all those feelings, came to an end after I gave my friend that advice. Everything my sister used to say or my mom, came out and something new happened. The Year 2009 I feel is going to a great year, I feel it.
When I think of last year, sure...I had alot of regrets. But with some regrets brought surprises. But since I can't undo anything, now I look back and everything is exactly how I wanted it. I wanted to get my GED horribly and everyone was putting pressure on me to get it and it was going against my pace. But I went at my pace and if I listened to them, I wouldn't have a friend that I met recently through school. I have my GED now and I'm proud. I got my Diploma the day before Christmas. I'm now helping my mom with her book. I regret that I didn't help her before, but I was busy with school and at the time, work. And I remember getting in many fights recently with my room mate who is helping her throught the illustrations. My mom wanted me to draw some maps and I drew them poorly at the time and I knew it too. But now my room mate won't let me change the maps to something better. So I regret doing that. But I realize what I did and I realize I was wrong. And I apologized.
I also remember being angry at myself for being too nice. But as I told my friend, If you have to try too hard to be nice, it's not worth it. After being too nice, I started seeing someone else in the mirror. There's a point between nice and too nice and trying too damn hard. But one day I remember taking a breath in front of the mirror and it's like I clicked and the me in the mirror just said "Hellooooo????? Yeah, I'm still here." Later when I looked back when I felt like I wasn't me, I felt like it told me "If I have to get out of this side of the mirror and kick your ass, you are going to regret it cause it won't be pretty. Stop being too damn nice, and be yourself. There's only one you and no one can take that from you!" So from that point I slowly started to unleash. I'm happy. I feel like me and that's the way it should be.
I have been drawing more. And I feel like the creative block I had was put there by me. By me! How stupid is that?!?!?!?!?!? So I once I started making more friends and being myself and not being such a recluse I once was, my block just opened up. Like a lightbulb. Very Ironic... I used to work with colors all the time, but lately all I want to do I black and white *very unusual for me*, but these pictures feel more like me when I don't color them. So I'm getting an application sent to me, from The Art Institute of America. I would love to take photography up. I'm a very creative and touchy feely person, and art comes naturally to me.
Also, to add to my photography skit, there is an Ireland Photography tour this summer. And I am planning on going. It's a 10 day trip. And a proffesional photographer takes you around Western and Northern Ireland and shows you how to get the best pictures possible and how to sell them. I would be so stoked if I went! You get to see castles, such as the Carrigahowley Castle, one of the many strongholds of the pirate queen, Grace O'Malley. I'm 30% Irish, so I want to feel and see where my line came from. I want to go somewhere where I can take pictures everywhere and this is perfect. So pray that I go.
It's snowing right now and it's freezing! I don't really like the cold, but my mom does. Well snow anyways.
Well I'll gonna blog ya'll later. I'm gonna study up some more about the art institute and the Ireland tour. Bye! ^_^

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